Things are looking up!

So these recent events have made my life brighter and better. It is probably because of the sudden change in weather. A few weeks ago, we were blasted by a series of unforgiving blizzards. Now, we are being blessed with gorgeous, sunny weather with a comfortable high of 60 degrees. Spring fever is in the air, and it is definitely lifting my winter blues.
It all started when I went to a Muse concert with Allen. Our moods weren't that great in the beginning of the journey because they raised the prices of the tickets and we couldnt afford two roundtrip tickets. Instead, we paid alot more money on one-way tickets and was almost kicked off the last train home because of us being 3 dollars short. Thank God a generous businessman offered us a couple dollars, and we were able to go home. I felt bad for the couple sitting behind us who were escorted by cops off the train at Newark because they too, didn't have enough money for tickets home. That could have been us.
But besides the ticket crisis and hobo hotel at Penn Station, the day was great! The concert was phenomenal; probably the best one I have ever been to in my life! The special effects took my breath away and the sound was clear as crystal. I seriously love Muse and seeing them live made me so happy and cheerful. I haven't felt that happy in a long time. Allen was smiling from ear to ear the whole concert, and I loved seeing him really happy too. We had a tough year so far, but this made it a little brighter.
The next day was even better. I spent it with my cousin, Christy and her boyfriend Chris. I seriously love this couple. They are so cute and sweet together; but not awkward at all. We saw Alice in Wonderland with Jenny and her new boyfriend, Scott. This was the first time I met Jenny's new boyfriend, and so far so good. He was nice, alright looking, and had a good personality. I think Jenny was jealous that I struck up some friendly conversations with him, but whatever. I was just being nice and was trying to find out who he was. He seemed pretty normal, so I let Jenny wonder off with him. It seemed like she wanted to be alone with him the whole day, but I kept budding in their "secret" conversations. Scott didn't seem to care, but Jenny looked kind of pissed. Sorry, cousin. Just looking out for you! In the end, he kindly offered me and Christy and Chris dinner at his house, but we politely declined the offer. Jenny seemed ecstatic and Scott gave us hugs and they were off. This kid may seem like a sweetheart, but he definitely had serious game. That is what I don't like about him. I have a little red flag on that, but besides the serious game, he is a normal guy. I barely know him, so I'll keep my mind open. I give them two weeks.
And the sad news I received that day was that Jenny smokes now. It seemed like the Berndts were trying to keep this a secret from me and grandma, but Christy finally told me. Apparently they have kept this under wraps for weeks. I was quite pissed that they kept this secret from me, but I got over it quickly as well. I love Jenny, but it seems like we are growing further apart each day. We pretend to be nice to each other, but the void is growing. In my own opinion, she is gracefully falling downhill and her family is tiptoeing around it; brushing it off as something minor. No one will help her improve and become a normal individual. I will never forget what my aunt said toward the end of the day; "I know more about Jenny from Facebook than in real life." That, to me, is a sign of a poor relationship. No wonder Jenny smokes! But alas, this is their drama and their craziness and that is why I barely hang out with my crazy family. I am a functioning normal person, and they are......strange.
So during the long drive home from Jackson that night, I had a sudden epiphany. I realized something that is hard to explain, but I will try my best to describe it with words. I finally found a way to block off the negative emotions I have been suffering from my whole life. These bad emotions were the main cause of my several stress that made me cry for no reason. I managed to finally close that door and be able to "focus on the now" instead of constantly thinking with my emotions. Instead of having my emotions worn on a sleeve, I had them set in stone based on what is happening around me. I still have anxiety and I still have my sweating problem, but all my emotional baggage is starting to fade away. What is the point of being sad? I have nothing to be sad about! Unless there was a sudden tragedy in my life, there is no reason to cry. Crying shows weakness, and I am tired of it. I am ready to move on. For once, I want to see the world through a glass half full. And I am looking forward for a better future.
Perhaps I achieved this better way of thinking by confronting someone I have despised for years. A mirror of my past self that makes me feel so far ahead and mature. A boost to my low confidence, which gave me an opportunity to mold my own self. I believe I have matured and improved over the past two years. It is hard to adjust to adult life, but it is possible to change for the better after being much worse for a little while. In the end, everything works out. I always tell myself that, and it always ends up true. I should never let myself down or hurt my feelings for no reason.

So in the end, Spring rolls in positive emotions and attitudes. I am driven to do better and be better mentally. I want to make it up to my crazy families and spend more time with them. No matter what, I am stuck with these freaks, and I might as well pretend or act nice to them. Because family should never be abandoned. I am also driven to make new friends and keep them for as long as I can. I want important people in my life; after all, the human being is a social animal. We NEED the comfort and presence of others in order to be truly happy. And lastly, I am very driven to avoid being locked up in my room. I will not be in a slump and feel lonely in an empty home. I will try my best to stay positive and do new things. I will be as happy as the sunshine outside, and as peaceful as the rain that falls on occasion. My creativity is finally blooming, and so is my hidden personality. Spring brings many positive changes in my life every year; whether it is minor or great. This year; it is great.
I met Allen in the Spring, and he changed my life entirely for the better. This year, I met my new way of positive thinking. This too will mark an important year just like 2008. I will prevail, and never ever be a Gail Fail...