Family rant

WARNING:

Extremely angsty post.



So yeah, my family pisses me off...all the time.

This is why I lived in New Brunswick every weekend with my boyfriend, and then stayed during breaks from school. I fucking HATE my family.

I kind of talked about my problems with my friends, but I try not to bring it up that much. It just pisses me off waaaay too much.

I live in an environment full of hate, despair, drug addiction, and negativity. The people here are toxic and as they say...misery fucking loves company...and I get plenty of that on a daily basis.

My mom is sick. She has some rare disease that's dissolving her joints. She's always in pain, and takes a lot of drugs that mess with her head. She is always miserable. She lacks a sense of humor, hobbies, interests, etc. I think she suffers from depression too...and she takes meds for that. She is always nagging at me to do chores for her everyday because she can't do it due to the pain. She has arthritis, and I always tell her that being active helps the pain go away. She fuckin responds by yelling at me, calling me selfish and stupid. I'm tired of the emotional abuse. Just because she's in pain, doesn't mean I have to be in pain too.

I've always been her emotional punching bag. For as long as I can remember.

My step dad is an alcoholic. My mom's emotional abuse towards him and I are the main reason why he drinks every night. He never says anything. He just sits in his chair and drinks until he passes out every night. Whenever there's a problem between my mom and I...he just ignores us and continues to drink.

I deal with this shit everyday, and I'm tired of it.

I'm sick of my mom always telling me how stupid I am...how useless and selfish I am. I'm not like that. I just want to live my own life and figure out what I'm going to do for the rest of it. If that's considered selfish, I'm sorry. But this is an important time in my life and I want to be left alone. I want to be free. I want to be me. I want to be stronger and make my own decisions.

It's hard to do all that with a miserable mother yelling at me everyday.

This is why I always escaped. This is why I stayed with my boyfriend in Brunswick as much as I could...to get away.

This is why I go nomad several times a year. I try to stay anywhere else besides home. Because home is poisonous to me.

I'm never happy here...which is why I try to avoid it as much as possible.

Someday I will break away and be happy again.

I can't fucking wait for that day to come.