Anticipation

Really can't take this bullshit anymore. I can't stand the assholes I live with. Everything they do pisses me off, and everything I do pisses them off. I need my space. I need a place to think. It's hard to do homework when you don't have a home. It's hard to think in a hostile environment. I'm finally starting to feel better, and yet every time I come home, I'm bombarded with negative feelings. I just want to move on, but it's taking too damn long. I need action.

In progress...

Starting to gather my things together. Starting to think about what I'm going to do once I'm on my own. It's both exciting to me, and scary as well. As for doing anything else...meh. I have 8 classes to worry about, so that's been taking up all of my time. I have nothing else to say...

Moving out

Yes, it is now time for me to leave the nest and move out. My mom has been bothering me to no end, and I finally want my freedom. I want to be independent. I want to spread my wings, and see the world alone. I feel trapped in this tiny, smoky apartment. My room can barely hold any of my things. I have to climb over boxes and piles of clean and dirty clothes. I have stacks of books on the floor and game consoles. This room is about the size of a walk-in closet, and I hate it. I don't have a desk and have to do my homework either on my bed or on the dusty floor. It bothers me so freakin much. I also strongly dislike the way my parents treat me....as if I am still a teenager. They always want to know where I'm going, who I'm with, and when I'm coming home. My mom also has a list of chores for me to do for her and errands to run because she is too lazy to do it herself, and uses her disability as a crutch, which is BS because she is physically capable of doing most of these things, but makes me do it instead. She uses the guilt technique to reel me in, like "if you don't do what I say, I'll kick you out." along with some happy, warm "fuck you's" and "go fuck yourself" The medication she takes makes her miserable and angry all the time, and she continues to use me as her emotional punching bag. No more. I'm done with this. In a short amount of time, I am moving in with my father. He's a little crazy himself, but I know he won't constantly bother me. He has two empty rooms in his house and lives alone, so I know there will be a lot of peace and quiet there; a luxury I've been craving for so long. The rooms are big, so I can fit all my shit in them. Plus his house is closer to school and right down the street from my boyfriend's apartment, so it's perfect. Now I just have to move all my crap to his house, which is going to take a while. I'm excited nonetheless, and can't wait to get away from my miserable mother. I love her to death, but I can't take the emotional abuse anymore. I NEED to be alone....I need to find out who I am without someone breathing down my neck and constantly playing mind games with me. I need peace and tranquility.

Wonderful holidays

I have to say, this Christmas was probably one of the best that I have ever had. My friend Joshua visited from PA and spent the whole weekend at Allen's apartment. I'm glad I got to see my friend Angi a lot as well, and her boyfriend Stew, along with Allen's younger brothers. Christmas Eve involved a lot of board gaming and good food. I also got to open one of my presents early, and received probably the best Christmas present ever. It was an ocarina...but no ordinary ocarina...it was a replica of the actual Ocarina of Time from the Legend of Zelda! And it came with a bunch of tabs so I could play various tunes from the video game. In a few hours, I already learned Saria's song, the Song of Time, and Zelda's Lullaby. I was extremely happy :) I also got an African drum, a ukulele, and a ton of piano sheet music. This was the best musical Christmas ever <3 As for New Years Eve, Allen and I spent the day together relaxing and drinking champagne. Nothing exciting happened, except I danced with a puppy when the ball dropped in NYC. And now I'm here, extremely tired and kinda hung over. But I have to day, I'm enjoying winter break....a lot. Next semester is going to be extremely hectic, so I'm enjoying every free minute I have with loved ones, friends, and puppies. I also got my grades, which were straight A's. This is the second time I've ever had perfect marks. Not gonna brag, but it was a really nice touch to the beginning of break. As for now, Happy New Year! 2012 is going to be pretty badass!

Getting ready for the Holiday.

Been busy lately, but I'm glad finals are over and I can relax a bit. Now I just have to deal with my crazy family, which the alcohol I bought will help tremendously (haha) Just have to wrap the rest of the little presents, do some last minute stocking stuffer shopping, laundry, last minute cookie baking, and then I can crash at Allen's and our best friend Josh will arrive for the weekend. If I don't get everything done today, I'll probably get it done tomorrow...which is Christmas Eve! Super excited. My schedule is always crazy busy on Christmas because I have like..four families to visit. First at home with my close family, then I hang out with my dad and my sister and her kids, then I have dinner with my mom's crazy family (hello alcohol) and then I go visit my boyfriend's family and have dessert. It's going to be a pleasant Christmas this year methinks. Especially since a good friend is going to spend the day with us. Merry Christmas everyone. And a very Happy New Year!

A need

Wish I could be completely alone right now....with a lot of free space to think.

I never get that opportunity anymore.